Now this may come as a surprise to some of you reading this, but I haven't always been the charming young lady that I am today. Okay, so maybe charming isn't really the word, but if you knew me 6 or so years ago then you would know that these days I'm much more pleasant to be around. Growing up I was a bad kid. I'm not really even sure how my parents kept their sanity for the first 14 years of my life. You're probably wondering what exactly I did, so let me explain. I was extremely stubborn, had an awful temper, and basically did whatever I wanted to all the time. When I was really young, the problem was refusing to do what my parents told me to do. I've been told the story of the time when I was 3 and told my mom, "you might as well go ahead and spank me because I'm not cleaning my room," about a thousand times over the years along with countless other tales of times when I was just outright defiant. Now that may not sound like such a big deal, but the part that carried over into my teenage years is.
As I got older and smarter, this stubborn defiance came out in my attitude. My parents got divorced the summer before I started eighth grade, and for the next few years after that I was mad. I was mad at my mom for choosing to get a divorce, at my dad for never being happy when I was with him, at my older sister for running away from the problem and making me step up, at my younger sisters for needing me all the time, and at my friends for not understanding what I was going through. In case you didn't notice, that's a lot of anger and most of it wasn't fair. I got in fights with everyone all the time. My mom and I had daily yelling matches, and I argued with my best friend on a weekly basis about nothing. I remember countless nights crying myself to sleep because I was so completely miserable. I don't tell you this story so that you can say "awe poor Hannah." I tell you this because I want you to see how ridiculous my attitude was. Was this a bad situation? Yes, it was. Did I have a reason to be upset? Of course I did, but should I have let it dictate my attitude? NO!
I see statuses and tweets all the time where people say things about how the way others treat them decide what their attitude is going to be, but that thinking couldn't be further from the truth. You are the only one who controls your attitude. Let me say that again. YOU are the only one that controls YOUR attitude! Sure people upset you and make you angry, but they aren't the ones who make you stay that way. It's a choice, and you have two options: you can let other people dictate your attitude and by extension who you are, or you can choose to be joyful and positive no matter what others have to say. For me, it took my older sister telling me how stupid I was being before I took control of my attitude. Granted, I'm still a little stubborn (okay maybe a lot) and will attempt to do anything you tell me I can't, but I no longer let anyone else control the way I act, and neither should you.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Guard Your Heart
Guard your heart. I think I have heard this warning about a thousand times just since I started high school. It seems to be the big dating advice that Christians give, outside of don't have sex of course, but for me it was really kind of just empty words that didn't mean much. How was I supposed to "guard my heart"? What did that look like, and why should I even bother? Unfortunately instead of heeding the warning of women who had been there, I decided that I was going to learn the hard way: through experience. Now before I go any further with this, I want to make a few things clear about this topic. For one, I do not have the mind set that all boys are bad, and my intention with sharing this story is not so that girls will decide all men are evil and never trust them or give their heart away. Another thing I want to stress is that girls are not the only ones who have to guard their heart in a relationship. Guys can easily get hurt just as bad and need to listen to this wise, old warning as well. With all that being said, I've had some experience with failing to guard my heart.
I've never been too much of a dater. In all 4 years of high school, I had three boyfriends total and only one of those relationships lasted over 2 months. I didn't see the point in the serial dating cycle that most teenagers find themselves in, and now I'm very thankful for that. I was 15 when I had my first "real" date if that tells you anything about me and dating. I just wasn't really into it, and I was perfectly okay with that. After two very short and relatively painless relationships, I was a senior in high school and very content with finishing out the year single. Although I was happy with the way things were, it seemed that some of the people I was really close to felt I needed a guy in my life. The matching making began, and soon they had found their perfect man for Hannah. I had never considered dating this guy, but I thought he was cute and fun to be around, so I didn't mind when all their scheming paid off and he asked me out on a date. After that, I fell hard. I mean head first, swept off my feet, totally crazy about him kind of fell. I hadn't guarded my heart at all. I thought he had hung the moon and could do no wrong, and he was in college while I was still a senior in high school! What could be better? Well looking back now, I see all the problems with the relationship. I stopped enjoying my last semester of high school and started spending all my time with him. I didn't even go to prom or any of my senior activities. I rushed through those last few months and, to my great pleasure, finally graduated. We had planned for the summer to be filled with spending all kinds of time together out in the sun and doing lots of couple-y things. What we didn't plan for was a summer full of arguing. Looking at it now, I see that all that arguing stemmed from the fact that we just weren't right for each other, but at that time I played it off as some sort of rough patch. I loved this guy like I had never loved anyone before, but little did I know, his feelings for me weren't quite the same. In the end we had a pretty nasty break up where he said a lot of ugly thing that he really didn't mean. He was just trying to make me mad enough to want the break up as much as he did, but what he actually did was completely break my heart and ruin my self esteem.
I tell you this whole story not to make this guy out to be a monster, because he certainly isn't, but to illustrate how important guarding your heart is. If I had done that the relationship could have ended several other ways. I may have seen from the beginning that we weren't good together, or maybe the arguing would have caused me to reevaluate, or maybe we would have mutually agreed that the relationship wasn't healthy. I don't know what would have happened, but I do know it would have saved me a lot of hurt, anger, and bitterness and probably made a good friendship. For me a guarded heart means more than just not getting hurt. It means seeing a relationship clearly for what it is and not wasting time trying to keep a sinking ship afloat. I hope that from my mistake you will learn to be very careful with your heart and only give it to someone who also sees the importance in guarding it.
I've never been too much of a dater. In all 4 years of high school, I had three boyfriends total and only one of those relationships lasted over 2 months. I didn't see the point in the serial dating cycle that most teenagers find themselves in, and now I'm very thankful for that. I was 15 when I had my first "real" date if that tells you anything about me and dating. I just wasn't really into it, and I was perfectly okay with that. After two very short and relatively painless relationships, I was a senior in high school and very content with finishing out the year single. Although I was happy with the way things were, it seemed that some of the people I was really close to felt I needed a guy in my life. The matching making began, and soon they had found their perfect man for Hannah. I had never considered dating this guy, but I thought he was cute and fun to be around, so I didn't mind when all their scheming paid off and he asked me out on a date. After that, I fell hard. I mean head first, swept off my feet, totally crazy about him kind of fell. I hadn't guarded my heart at all. I thought he had hung the moon and could do no wrong, and he was in college while I was still a senior in high school! What could be better? Well looking back now, I see all the problems with the relationship. I stopped enjoying my last semester of high school and started spending all my time with him. I didn't even go to prom or any of my senior activities. I rushed through those last few months and, to my great pleasure, finally graduated. We had planned for the summer to be filled with spending all kinds of time together out in the sun and doing lots of couple-y things. What we didn't plan for was a summer full of arguing. Looking at it now, I see that all that arguing stemmed from the fact that we just weren't right for each other, but at that time I played it off as some sort of rough patch. I loved this guy like I had never loved anyone before, but little did I know, his feelings for me weren't quite the same. In the end we had a pretty nasty break up where he said a lot of ugly thing that he really didn't mean. He was just trying to make me mad enough to want the break up as much as he did, but what he actually did was completely break my heart and ruin my self esteem.
I tell you this whole story not to make this guy out to be a monster, because he certainly isn't, but to illustrate how important guarding your heart is. If I had done that the relationship could have ended several other ways. I may have seen from the beginning that we weren't good together, or maybe the arguing would have caused me to reevaluate, or maybe we would have mutually agreed that the relationship wasn't healthy. I don't know what would have happened, but I do know it would have saved me a lot of hurt, anger, and bitterness and probably made a good friendship. For me a guarded heart means more than just not getting hurt. It means seeing a relationship clearly for what it is and not wasting time trying to keep a sinking ship afloat. I hope that from my mistake you will learn to be very careful with your heart and only give it to someone who also sees the importance in guarding it.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Why blog?
For as long as I can remember, I've always loved reading and writing. I was the weird kid in elementary school who sat by herself with her nose in a book because I was too fascinated with words to socialize with other people. By the fifth grade I had read half the books in the school library and attempted, unsuccessfully, to write several of my own. Books amazed me. I didn't have to be the shy, overlooked Waters girl who lived in the middle of nowhere and had nothing exciting happen in her life. I could become whatever and whoever I wanted to be by simply opening a book and getting lost in page after page of adventure. I solved mysteries, traveled the world, had magical powers, and I didn't have to even leave my bedroom. I was in love with reading.
When you read book after book after book, eventually you dream of writing something that other people will love to read. That's where the blogging comes in. I have a few friends who blog, and that started to spark my interest a little. Sure, it's not a world famous, award-winning book, but if people actually read it, then it's the next best thing. I was very hesitant because I didn't really feel like I would have anything to say that would be the least bit interesting, but after some persuasion from people I admire, I decided that it was worth a try. Although I have lost a lot of my childhood imagination, reading and writing have given me things that nothing else ever could. It is because of that, and because I owe it to poor, strange fifth grade Hannah, that I begin my blogging adventure.
When you read book after book after book, eventually you dream of writing something that other people will love to read. That's where the blogging comes in. I have a few friends who blog, and that started to spark my interest a little. Sure, it's not a world famous, award-winning book, but if people actually read it, then it's the next best thing. I was very hesitant because I didn't really feel like I would have anything to say that would be the least bit interesting, but after some persuasion from people I admire, I decided that it was worth a try. Although I have lost a lot of my childhood imagination, reading and writing have given me things that nothing else ever could. It is because of that, and because I owe it to poor, strange fifth grade Hannah, that I begin my blogging adventure.
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