Like most young girls, I grew up dreaming of the day that I would walk down the aisle in a white dress and say "I do" to a tall (or, for 5 ft me, average height), dark, and handsome man who I would make a family and live happily ever after with. In middle and high school, my friends and I would dream and giggle about the possibility of marrying one of the guys we knew and what it would be like with each one. From the beginning I couldn't wait for the day that someone would get down on one knee and ask me to spend the rest of my life with them. I never once stopped to consider that I would watch all my friends do those things while I'm still waiting for the cute guy in my math class to talk to me. I didn't expect to start to feel the twinge of resentment every time I get on social media and see that another person my age has gotten engaged or is celebrating their first wedding anniversary or having their first baby. I didn't imagine coming up on my 21st birthday and not having even gone on a date in 2 years. None of those things were what I had planned out for my life.
There are days where I seriously struggle with being single. Days where I feel lonely and insecure and decide that I need a man to fill those holes in me, but those are the days that I have to turn to the only One who can fill any emptiness inside of me. There are also days where I rejoice in my singleness and thank Him that I don't have the stress and weight of a family, but neither of those days are the normal for me or the best way for me to think. My regular life doesn't focus on my relationship status because God is using me in ways that are independent of it.
Of course He does use me in ways that He couldn't if I was married, but most things wouldn't change even if I was. I hear many singles in the church complaining about not having opportunities or feeling left out, but I don't ever feel that way. I'm the director and overseer (for lack of a better description) of the children's ministry in our church, and I have great relationships with women in my church and community-married or not. I can carry on a conversation with a stay-at-home mother of four just as easily as I can with a fellow single college student. My life, relationships, and usefulness aren't hinged upon a ring on my left hand and a man by my side.
Now hear me out, I want those things very much and am still sometimes impatient with the Lord's timing, but he can use me right here, right now. There's a phrase that I was told a long time ago and don't even remember who said it, but I've clung to it through this season of life. God works all things for my good and for His glory.
When you weigh singleness against that, it seems to put everything into perspective. It makes it way less of an issue for me. I feel like I'm getting pressured to stay single while also getting pressured to get married, and the weight of those two things can often be suffocating, but I'm reminded that God's work isn't limited by anything. He doesn't look at me and say, "oh, I could use her so much more if she'd just find a husband!" He has my life perfectly mapped out, and the reason I'm single is because this is exactly where he wants me. The reason so many of my friends are getting married is because that's exactly where he wants them. We have to come to a point in our lives where we trust that He's truly working all things for our good and His glory, and when we do, we'll experience a much fuller life-married or not.
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