Relationship advice from the Nicholsons

I'm taking a break from serious subjects to let you in on a little of my life. I spend a lot of time with children and specifically the Nicholson children. In all of the time we're together they say some pretty funny stuff, but I think this particular night tops them all. It started with Lydia giving Tabitha some advice on how to get a boyfriend and escalated from there. So here, for your pleasure, are some dating tips from Elijah (10), Lydia (8), Judah (5), and Titus (4). (Each one is denoted by the first letter of who said it. N means a group effort.)

How to Get a Boyfriend and Keep Him

1. Wear sparkly shoes-L

2. Always wink at boys-L

3. Only introduce them to your cool family-N

4. Don't poot-L

5. Don't lay in the bed till twelve-L

6. Always have honesty-EL

7. Reel them in and keep em-E

8. Always introduce yourself and wear nice clothes-J

9. Wear bright lipstick-L

10. Make sure you don't poop in your pants-T

11. Never EVER take him to mcdonalds-E

12. Don't tell him he's cute. Unless you find him attractive. But do tell him you like him.-L

13. Don't get one that flirts with waitresses. If he does order the most expensive thing, stomp on his foot, and tell him to take you home-E

14. Never gets someone that doesn't like kids-L

15. Always be sure to be nice-JL

16. Be yourself. If he doesn't like you for who you are he's not worth it.-L

17. I will just punch him-T

18. Never forget to brush your teeth-E

19. Always brush your hair and make it look very nice. And take a shower.-L

20. Never wear too much makeup or fake eyelashes-E

21. Get one that's really nice-L

22. Make sure you very don't wear dark lipstick-T

23. Always say nice things-J

24. Never ever get one that has a messy house-E

25. Never get one that wants to get an ice cream tattoo-L

26. Don't get one that has a real snake because you will be freaking out-T

27. Always be very polite-J

28. Don't wear too short skirts-L

29. On your first date, tell him you are just friends. On the second date, tell him you want to take it slow. On the third date, tell him that you want to be more than friends-L

30. When on a date, never wear a tshirt and nike shorts-J

31. No smoochin till you married-E

32. Pretend like you're a ghost-T

33. Always go out in the night time because some people have work-L

34. Never go out in the night time because you will be tempted to go to his apartment-E

35. Always take him out to a fancy place for dinner-J

36. Always tell him he looks very nice-L

37. Always when it's his birthday, give him something you think he will like-J

38. Like some really cool tools-J

39. Or a really big monster or a really small bat-T

40. Put pink rubber bands in your braces. It will show him you are a girly girl-L

41. Give him a really nice hammer-T

42. If he has blue eyes tell him the shine like a pool. If he has green eyes tell him they look like green grass. If he has brown eyes tell him they look like a lake. If he has hazel tell him they look like a rainbow.-L

43. If he looks like he's mean, don't let him be your boyfriend-J

44. If he doesn't have a car, buy him a really cool car-J

45. If you have the money-L

46. If y'all get far enough to marry, learn how to cook really nice and don't order to go and serve it like you cooked it yourself-L

47. Always be sure to buy good stuff with him-J

48. Always be sure to look before you get one-J

49. Make sure you get him a golden shirt-T

50. Always always always make sure you have enough money to buy your own dinner just in case-L